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2020.10.22 05:44 TallTeenProblemsHow do I come out to my bestfriend?
Oh man, where do I start. Ok to kick off I’m a F, early to mid teens. Ive only just recently come to accept that I’m bi, although I’ve always kinda been bi. I’m in this predicament bc we were playing our rival school in volleyball, when I see this really cute girl on their B team (I’m on our schools A team so we sit and watch the B team play then we go and play our game after) and to kinda reinforce that thought, I never have really been like “Wow they’re cute or I’d wanna date you” to anyone male or female. Anyways back to the problem at hand, I’ve told only two people, both are also bi and good friends. Now my bestfriend well call him Hallway. Now Hallway and I have been friends since the 4th grade, we talk every day and are really close (often times getting mistaken as a couple). Hallway and I are very sarcastic and crack jokes if we’re not talking about a game we were playing the night before. Now yeah, call me out and what not but we make gay jokes and stereotype a lot of things that has to do with being gay, so you can see the problem, I don’t want him to detest me or feel weirded out if I tell him. Any advice?
2020.10.22 03:25 YamnayaWhy is it that guys who I’m attracted to always have to be the ones that don’t show interest?
I know this sounds cliche, I know this is what everyone says and that the title makes me sound like a whiny, picky, 19-year-old brat, but it’s not like that at all. I’m going to turn 24 next month and I’ve had a fair share of dating experiences. I’m LTR oriented and I’m not really that picky at all. I definitely have standards when it comes to attraction, but I’m not narrow minded. I’ve been “wooed” by all sorts of guys with various types of bodies, skin colors, hair colors, tastes in music, etc. For me, it just really comes down to finding someone who’s emotionally available and both adorable and sexually attractive (to me) at the same time. I’m attracted to men who are informed about what’s going on in the country and around the world, who are passionate about something, kind, who have a quirky side (even if it makes them dorky/cheesy, which I find adorable), who are self-aware, etc. When it comes to looks, I don’t find everyone sexually attractive, but I’m also very open minded to a lot of different looks, as long as the person meets the previously mentioned criteria. I don’t give a fuck about going after tall blonde guys with abs, and whatever else the gay community says is “hot.” I consider myself very handsome (not to sound like a douche), I am very passionate about a lot of things, I’m open-minded, emotionally available, non-judgmental, am very informed about a lot of things, etc. So I would say that I would make a pretty decent boyfriend. However, when it comes to dating, it seems to be ALWAYS the guys that I feel are a great match for me that don’t seem interested. There have been times where more conventionally attractive guys have been into me, but I didn’t really feel it. But whenever I’m into someone, regardless of what mold they fit, it never goes well. They disappear after the first date, or I don’t even get there at all. It’s been making me feel like shit, and like I’ll never find someone who’s emotionally and romantically compatible with me, ever. It’s hard to tell the difference between “settling” and being “picky,” and sometimes I question myself, and I’m sure I have some maturing to do, but I don’t feel like I’m picky at all. I just feel like I’ve been cursed or something and that any guy I’m into is automatically not interested in me back. It sucks. I went on a date recently, and it was with a guy who ticked like all my boxes. We texted for a few days leading up to the date and he was very affectionate, flirtatious, and told me I’m cute when I talk about my passions. Then after the first date, he fell off the face of the planet. I get so insecure about myself after stuff like that happens, and then I start picking myself apart and telling myself things like “you’re this bad thing,” “you’re that bad thing,” “people don’t like you because of this bad thing.” I have a lot of love to give and I want to have someone to cuddle with and give a nickname to. I want to have someone to do cooking experiments with who will listen to me talk about my passions, someone who I can give piggy back rides to, someone who I can ride roller coasters and travel with, and tell me I’m cute and that he appreciates me (and vice versa). I want to have someone to take care of emotionally and romantically, and vice versa. It just seems so unattainable at this point. When I look at all my straight friends from college/grad school/high school, it feels like 75% of them are in relationships that have been going on for years, and that 5-10% of the remaining 25% are married or engaged. Idk if anyone else has been through the same? I’m sorry if I sound like a 16-year-old. Being 24 as a gay dude is like being a 16-year-old in an emotional sense when it comes to dating. We didn’t get to experience this stuff as teens cause we had to hide, and now it’s all coming out in our 20s, at least that’s been my experience.
I have had a crazy year of wondering and finally accepting that I am a gay woman, and have in fact been gay since I was in my early teens, if not forever (I am 33). I said it for the first time to myself last week, and came out to my best friend of 10 years and my slightly estranged brother yesterday, and my therapist today (2 out of the 3 had kinda realised already, guess which ones!). I feel liberated and excited and hopeful for the first time since I was a child, I have suffered with depression for 20 years and anxiety for 10 and I'm starting to think I know why! However I am socially isolated, have been completely celibate for 5 years (due to a string of failed relationships with men, go figure) and have no idea of how to practically apply this wonderful new information. I'm not sure that I want to date yet, purely because I don't want inflict my psychological damage on some poor, unsuspecting, beautiful woman. I also know nothing about the culture, if that makes sense? I don't want to be offensive in any way, I don't want to make anyone in the community uncomfortable with my ignorance, I just want to learn and grow this new and very real me that I have found. I also have an odd thing that I wonder if anyone else here has, in that I prefer to use the term gay for myself, rather than lesbian. Obviously I have no issues with any other woman identifying that way, but I think I have this preconception that men may fetishize lesbians, and I don't feel the need or want to be attractive to men at all, after years of thinking that their attention would somehow fulfill me. Is it okay for me to dislike the word in relation to myself? Am I alienating anyone? Sorry, this is a bit of a nonsensical mess of a post, I'm just excited and nervous and I have no idea what to do or say!
2020.10.20 20:09 adam_juiceHow old were you when you got your first boyfriend?
I know it’s common knowledge that gay people usually didn’t get to be themselves during their teen years so they often date and have sex and everything for the first time when they’re adults, but despite knowing this I’m 21 and I’ve never had a boyfriend or even come close and a part of me is terrified I’m going to be in my 30s and still have zero experience with love :/
2020.10.20 18:39 nafta112Does anyone have my sexuality?
Is anyone like me? I guess I am bisexual, but in some way asexual too. Let me explain:
I am a cis-male
I only watch straight porn, but I only pay attention to the guy
I find gay porn repulsive (most often), and lesbian porn doesn't wake any feelings in me
I have dated both girls and guys.
I enjoy having sex with girls, and I rarely want to have sex with men
I really want to kiss an attractive man
When I go on the streets, I mainly pay attention to men, and find some of them attractive.
I feel like I only can fall deeply in love with a man only. I have fallen in love with a man once (in my teens)
Sorry for using a very binormous vocabulary, but I only have sexual and romantic experiences from cis-people. I am not really searching for a label here, I'm just curious, am I alone with these feelings? Or am I a result from a generation built on PornHub?? Thanks for reading and answering xx
2020.10.20 09:23 minicanadian445My dad and brother think I'm an idiot [rant]
Shortly after I started dating my first boyfriend I came out to my dad and my brother as bi and then I told them that I am dating someone, then it just turned into this huge argument about how they thought that my boyfriend is an old man pretending to be a teen (for clarification my boyfriend was 13 and I was 12 now hes 14 and I'm 13) And my dad and brother insisted that hes an old man using a voice changer (even though we had video calls on snapchat and I met his family) And they just kept insisting even though I had known him for months before we started dating and me and he was the first person I told that I'm bisexual and I came out to him after he came out to me as gay. And they were yelling at me for how stupid I am how I'm gonna be kidnapped and killed by this guy And so in conclusion my dad and brother are huge A-holes
2020.10.20 06:30 throwawayaracehorseThe Massacre at Crybaby Bridge: An Oral History - Finale and Aftermath
The following is the conclusion of my senior capstone for my journalism degree. I sought out to explore the truth behind a local legend in my hometown. My professor rejected the original draft due to its disturbing and unbelievable nature, even though everyone I spoke to claims they're telling the truth. The previous parts are available here: Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6 - Part 7 PART 8 BOB SCHROEDER, LOCAL HISTORIAN: The Massacre at Crybaby Bridge will live on in the annals of Somerset history and lore. Like all local legends, it’s not immune to thegossip and embellishments that are inevitable in a rural town the size of Somerset. The state news covered it for about a week and it barely made a blip in the national news headlines. The nation was too caught up with coverage of the war in Iraq and Afghanistan. There was also an effort by many members of the community to suppress the story. They didn’t want the travesty to be the only thing the town was known for. STEPHEN PARKER: How much fight could I possibly have left? How much adrenaline did I have in reserve? I know that a certain point that death might come as relief. I would no longer have to feel scared for my life. I wasn’t ready yet. We rounded the side of the house. There was a barn out back, old and wooden. Completely dark. An old truck was parked next to the barn. Maybe it was open. Maybe it would have the keys in it. Nick headed straight for it. I followed. “Need...to...catch my breath,” he gasped. “Me too,” I agreed. DAVID NEAL, SHERIFF, MOMADAY COUNTY: The Loveless property was a massacre in its own right. That place alone might be the kind of crime scene that sticks with you for years. Five dead at the scene and in all of those different manners. STEPHEN PARKER: The doors to the truck were locked. We darted to the inside of the barn. We couldn’t hear anything from behind us, no signs we had been seen or followed. It was really dark in there and as my eyes adjusted I could see a tractor parked dead center of the barn and smell the musty scent of dust and hay. There was a loft towards the back of the barn that was loaded with bales of hay. A ladder led up to it and in the back of the loft under the angle of the barn’s roof was an open window. “Let’s hide up there, catch our breath,” Nick said, pointing. Looking back it seems like such a rookie horror movie mistake. The loft was warm and stuffy and Nick quickly piled up a few bales for us to hide behind. We lied on our bellies like soldiers in a foxhole, peeking through a crack in our alfalfa barricade, waiting for the enemy. DAVID NEAL, SHERIFF, MOMADAY COUNTY: The first body we encountered was Floyd Loveless. He was deceased on the porch with an extensive penetrating neck injury. JOEY KESSLER, LOCAL RESIDENT, FARMER**:** They were confused as to what to do with that ol’ gal with the blade in her back. Everyone was afraid to move it. I got creative while they was twiddling their thumbs and waiting on the helicopter. I rushed back with my cutting torch and cut it down close enough to her back. SKYE BRIGGS: What else could I do but pray? I’d never done it much before, but I sure as hell was right then. STEPHEN PARKER: The mind of a teenager is not a rational thing. I don’t know what I was thinking. My best friend had just been brutally killed and I had seen it, seen him staggering around in his final throes before he collapsed. All of the others, too. Maybe stress had done crazy things to my mind. Maybe the adrenaline and survival instinct had made it impossible for me to feel any sort of grief. It felt like we were up in that loft a long time. I guess it was the silence that made it feel that way. All that I know is that I felt safe in that moment despite all that had happened, the dark all around, the warmth. It felt like there would never be another one. I could feel Nick’s body rising and falling beside me, his heavy respirations slowing as he caught his breath. I could feel his warmth in the crisp autumn air and smell his sweat and cologne. In the dark it was like we were anywhere else. I whispered his name. “Yeah,” he whispered back, and his face was close to mine as he turned. I took it in my hand and right there in that dusty, hay filled barn, I leaned in to kiss him. The mind of a teenager is not a rational thing. DAVID NEAL, SHERIFF, MOMADAY COUNTY: Around the backside of the house we found the second body. A decapitation had occurred. STEPHEN PARKER: He didn’t turn away right away, didn’t shove me off in a fit of disgust. For a second he let me, I think. I could feel his lips and mouth and then he pulled away. “Stephen. C’mon man. A bunch of people are dead.” “Oh. Yeah. You’re right.” He gave me a pat on the back and then whispered, “I’ve got a plan. If he comes here we can go out the window. It’s a twelve foot drop. We’ll just hang off the side and let go. Bet we could do it pretty quietly.” Before we could discuss any more there was a scream. DAVID NEAL, SHERIFF, MOMADAY COUNTY: It was presumed that Mrs. Lorraine Loveless had come out to check on her husband, encountered the perpetrator, and fled to the backside of the house. STEPHEN PARKER: It was a woman’s voice, screaming “Floyd! Floyd!” and then these kinds of yelps that started sounding closer and then nothing. DAVID NEAL: Next it was presumed that Shaun Loveless, the son of Mr. and Mrs. Loveless that lived on the property in a fifth wheel camper trailer, attempted to subdue the suspect. His body was found nearby with a twelve-gauge pump action shotgun that was empty of shells. There was blunt trauma to the head with gray matter in the nearby grass accompanied with massive blood loss. STEPHEN PARKER: After a little while we heard the angry shouts of a man, followed by several gunshots. From our vantage point, this seemed to be coming from a direction away from the house. Nick’s eyes got big. We inched backwards towards the window, but then he stopped, looked at me. “I’m through running,” he said. His face was serious. “He’s just gonna keep coming and coming and more innocent people are gonna get caught up in it. I’ve got an idea.” I could only stammer out a “What?” “Stay here,” he said and gave me a smile. “Go out the window if things get too hairy.” SKYE BRIGGS: They say the explosion could be heard for miles. I certainly heard it. STEPHEN PARKER: Nick slithered down the ladder, disappeared in the shadows below me. I waited. So much for my heart rate going back to normal. It beat rapidly in anticipation and I felt close to pissing myself as I feared the worst to come. STEPHEN PARKER: I still get nightmares where I’m at the end of a long hallway. There’s a door on the other end and it opens. I see that figure, that face, the one that had now appeared in the wide doorway of the barn. It was as close a look at him as I’d been able to get so far. His eyes were dark dead pits in the middle of an expressionless face. I could see now that he wore some type of mask over the top half of his face. His head was sleek and without hair. There were several bleeding holes scattered around his torso, blood oozing from them and not appearing to slow him down in any capacity. In his hands he wielded a T-post. Whether it was the same one he had used before or another I don’t know. It looked wet. Something dripped from its sharp edge. DAVID NEAL: We arrived on the scene after the explosion. In fact, several of the deputies en route to the area heard it. STEPHEN PARKER: That motherfucker looked up at me. The tractor roared to life, the diesel engine revving, the gears grinded as the clutch was popped and it lurched forward. It had a front end loader on its front-- basically like this bulldozer kind of thing. It slammed into Big Baby. He didn’t fall underneath it, he withstood the blow, caught it right in his arms and managed to push back on his feet against it. The engine struggled and the throttle roared and Nick sat behind the wheel. Big Baby managed to skitter back a few feet, but the tractor kept coming for him and soon they both were well out of the barn. Nick maneuvered the levers and tilted the front end loader’s bucket to keep Big Baby on his heels. I slid down the ladder and ducked my head out of the barn’s doorway to watch the outcome. The last steps took place in a matter of fast forward, before I could truly comprehend what was going on. Big Baby’s arms were bloody and he hung onto the bucket of the front end loader, attempting to pull himself up. His feet hung above the ground. It seemed his goal was climb onto the arms and leap at Nick if he had the chance. He wasn’t quick enough. Nick shifted gears and the tractor revved forward to a utility line pole to the left of the house. Sitting next to that pole was the shiny silver of a propane tank, one of those that are shaped like a pill and the size of a house. I yelled for Nick to look out, yelled for him to jump off, as if gunning straight for that tank hadn’t been his plan all along. As if he didn’t know the stakes. As if he didn’t know exactly what he was doing. There was the collision of metal on a body and then the sound of grinding metal as the corner of the bucket pierced the tank. The gas hissed as it escaped and I saw Nick stand up in his seat and fish around in his pocket. He was pretty far away, but I could make out his hand movements as a flame appeared in his hand, the flame from a Zippo lighter. JOEY KESSLER: I heard that explosion and I thought, “what now?” IRENE MYRTLE, LOCAL RESIDENT: I thought the good Lord was coming down to get us. The rapture y’know? TERESA RUSSEL, 911 OPERATOR: The calls started coming in left and right, first the injuries and then about the explosion and all in this particular part of the county. It was mayhem for a while. Busiest night I ever worked. EDDIE DUNN: LOCAL RESIDENT, UNEMPLOYED: I thought it was them damn terrorists, myself. Heard they might try and strike a little place like the Somerset area on account of all our oil wells and the like. Had even seen some A-rabs at the truck stop recently. STEPHEN PARKER: If this is a feel-good action movie, if I’m the one writing the screenplay, then Nick turns his back right as he throws the lighter. He does a running leap off the back of the tractor just as the propane tank explodes. The fireball propels him forward, singing the back of his shirt and head and that’s it. He lands in the grass and I run to him and I say, “Looks like you got out just in the Nick of time.” We both laugh and embrace. End scene. But that’s not what happened no matter how much I look back and try and rewrite it in my mind. What happened was he managed to do a half turn before the tank exploded and the flames engulfed him. Through the smoldering rubble and debris I found his body and rolled him over and it was clear that there would be no happy ending for us. No final words. Just an embrace followed by me scrambling into the house, finding a phone, dialing 911. That was it. SOMERSET REGISTER 10/xx/2003, FRONT PAGE:MULTIPLE VICTIMS IN KILLING SPREE SATURDAY NIGHT, SUSPECT DECEASED AT SCENE, TEENAGER REMAINS IN CRITICAL CONDITION ____________________________________________________________ AFTERMATH SKYE BRIGGS: What we went through only made me stronger. I hate that it happened and I’m not trying to say I’m ultimately glad that it happened or anything like that. I guess what I’m saying is that after you go through something so terrible, it really puts everything into perspective y’know? All your insecurities, all your fears--surviving something like that, they’re nothing in comparison. Besides, I’m only living the life that I think Hailey would want me to. My new confidence or whatever is a testament to her. I mean if you look at what she’s gone through, it’s the least I could do. I think she’s proud of me, but I’m even more proud of her. I could only hope to be fifteen percent of what she is and has always been. HAILEY ADAMS: That’s something I speak about at my engagements. How even still after all this time and what I’ve remade myself into, there’s still people that speak from the perspective that I’ve had my life ruined or whatever. I don’t look at it that way. Were there times I got down about what I had lost? Hell yeah. I got pretty low on several occasions. In the end I looked at it as my life was headed in one direction and then this happened and it swerved to this other direction. The extent of Hailey Adams’s injuries was significant. She was medflighted to the University Hospital, the state’s only Level One trauma center, where she underwent an eight hour surgery. In the end she was left with a spinal cord injury that left her with paraplegia. Her disability was only the beginning of her journey, however. After rehabilitation and high school graduation she attended college and received her teaching certificate where she became a cheer coach and special education teacher for a number of years. She would later become an advocate for those with disabilities and became quite active on the motivational speech circuit. She has signed a book deal with Simon and Schuster for the publication of her memoir. She is married and has two children. STEPHEN PARKER: Back when I would get those emails from Dylan about him and Nick hanging out and I would get this uncomfortable feeling I didn’t quite understand. Later, I would be able to put a name to that feeling: jealousy. I wished it was me hanging out with Nick instead of him, sweating in that barn and playing guitar, his jawline and the look in his eyes while he played and got lost in the music. I would imagine it would get hot and there and we would have to take off our shirts and then who knows what would happen. It was a fantasy I returned to often and it left me feeling guilty and ashamed. I tried to suppress it. I didn’t come out for many years after. I grew up going to church and church camps and all that stuff and I guess I suppressed a lot of stuff, y’know? Grew up hearing the word “f-g” and “fxxgot” tossed around. There was lots of denial and confusion. For the longest time, I thought that the death of Nick and everything we’d been through was a punishment for being gay. SKYE BRIGGS: Steve and I? Yeah, we ended up dating for a while. A long while actually. Going through that event together really made us closer. How could it not? We would go visit Hailey at the hospital together. We would recommend music to each other. My dad, he would teach Steve guitar. He was my date to Junior Prom and we even went to Senior Prom together as friends. If you had told me before that night all of this, it would’ve seemed like a dream come true. After a while though I realized something was up. I had no qualms or hang ups about sex before marriage and when we got to that point in the relationship I noticed something was...off. Like he wasn’t totally into me that way? I mean I tried to convince myself otherwise and he would swear up and down that he was, but there was a drunken night in his den our senior year when we went out to the alley to look up at the night sky and he broke down and confessed. STEPHEN PARKER: I could trust Skye. It was finally time for me to tell someone, but I asked her to keep it secret. We continued to fake it for a while and eventually broke up. We still keep in touch pretty regularly, although it’s been hard in recent years. Skye Briggs became the front woman to an alternative rock band. They performed at Vans Warped Tour, SXSW, and ACL Music Festival among others over the years. They had several mild crossover hits including songs featured in various soundtracks for television and movies that you have most likely heard. She is twice divorced and has a daughter and when not parenting she can be found working on her solo musical career. Her debut solo album is set to release next year. BOB SCHROEDER, LOCAL HISTORIAN: Why does such a tale captivate us? It is a classic tale with much in common with the slasher genre of films from the horror section of the video rental store. There are teens to be sacrificed, bodies to be collected, scores to be paid, and lessons to be learned. Except in this tale, I’m not sure that there is a moral or lesson to be learned. STEPHEN PARKER: A moral? A lesson to be learned? Stay home, I guess. Wrap yourself up in bubble wrap and never go outside. BOB SCHROEDER: Teenagers as a cautionary tale is an old concept. They are the bridges to adulthood, yet we’ve used them over the years for various ends. They are young and dumb and full of come. Or is it piss and vinegar? I can’t remember. They are nine foot tall and bullet-proof. Or so they think. We use this to our advantage, get them to join our wars and fight for us. They will storm that hill without a second thought and we like them for that. The thirty year old might have second thoughts about it. We give them 2 ton hunks of steel, death machines capable of reaching speeds of 120 MPH. We give them cell phones to check in with us, knowing full well that they are distracting and likely to increase the chance of a wreck. We cross our fingers and hope for the best. We send them to school with bullet-proof backpacks and contingency plans for school shooters. We haven’t figured out a better solution. Our teens are lambs to the slaughter. Always have been. (shrugs shoulders) Eh, but most of them make it out ok. STEPHEN PARKER: I mentioned earlier that I had found myself back in Somerset years down the road. I mentioned that it brought the emotions roaring back. I found myself in the park and I got out and it was mostly empty, but I was under this row of giant sycamore trees, and I walked around a little until it hit me like a sledgehammer to the gut. I just broke down and wept. I wept for my past. I wept for Nick and Dylan. I wept for what could’ve been. BOB SCHROEDER: The other thing about slashers is that they often feature the common trope of the killer getting away. The killer is out there, not quite dead, waiting to return again. STATE BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION NOTES, OCT 2003: A body from the state medical examiner’s office has been reported missing. The body of the John Doe believed to be responsible for the numerous deaths in Somerset has vanished from the lab site. If you have any information regarding this please contact us at (XXX) XXX-XXXX. STEPHEN PARKER: I mentioned before about pivotal moments and I’ve thought of another. It’s one that I keep coming back to, a moment outside of all of the trauma. Something warm. Something comforting. In spite of everything that happened, I’m glad that I have this. Let me set the scene. We’re heading out to Buster’s and we’re all a little giddy. Dylan, he says, “Look at us, just a regular bunch of Breakfast Club motherfuckers up in here.” HAILEY: Oh really? Why’s that? DYLAN: It’s an unlikely crew is all I’m saying. HAILEY: Oh, because I thought you were saying its like all of us fit into a bunch of cliched roles. Are you saying that I’m the cheerleader and Nick’s the jock? What does that make Stephen and Skye? NICK: I ain’t no jock. SKYE: Wait, are you saying I’m the weird girl? STEPHEN: No way in hell you’re the rebel, Nick. You’re the geeky dude. DYLAN: Look, can we just drop it? How about we’re the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles or Justice League or something? Just then, Nick starts to sing the chorus of that song from the movie, “Hey! Hey! Hey! Don’t you...forget about me…” And before you know it it was like a goddamn singalong, the whole truck singing along. So this was another pivotal moment, for we were all happy and it was like this high we would continue to pursue so that the night didn’t have to end. Now I’m not a journalist or writer or anything, but if I was writing this thing, that’s where I’d end it. END Stephen Parker drifted for a few years after high school. He eventually pursued a career in medicine. He lives in California. Image of Bridge 17 Years Later: https://imgur.com/a/CwuQxbF ~~~[II]
2020.10.19 09:49 cranberryfoxesBisexuals with OCD, how do you make it stop?
I have severe OCD and since about April it has latched onto my sexuality and it dominates my every waking moment. For the last three years I was pretty much exclusively into men, so much so that sometimes I referred to myself as straight simply because I felt more comfortable/true to myself with that label. Then literally overnight, I suddenly found myself much more interested in women, to the point that even though I still think men are gorgeous and I definitely miss the relationships I had with them, I'm not sure if I could date one again. But in my teens, lol, I was soooo gay, I dated women before I dated men, then out of nowhere when I was about 19 it hit me that I really wanted a boyfriend, and my first love ended up being a man. Bisexual was always the label I was the most comfortable with. But lately my OCD has decided that I can only be gay or straight. I've become obsessed with the idea that everything I've ever felt for men was comphet, even though I just.... know that it wasn’t? I even talked to my sister, who is also bi, about it, and she literally said "there's no way you weren't in love with those guys." But with OCD it doesn't matter. Like I said, it literally dominates my every waking moment, literally the moment I wake up to when I fall asleep. It's awful. Nothing stops it. I just want to relax and stop thinking about my sexuality. It's so miserable. There's even a girl I like, too, like I'm not even bothered by dating women. Like I said, I dated women before I dated men! The only reason I'm not seeing her now is we live in different cities that are both under an indefinite lockdown lol. I just want this to stop. I've tried journaling, tried mindfulness, I see a therapist. When I say it's excruciating, I truly mean it. Not a second goes by that it's not on my mind. I literally moved abroad and I'm supposed to be having so much fun, but instead I'm spending all this time paralyzed in my own head having intrusive thoughts.
2020.10.18 14:43 ThrowRA_disasterEver since my husband(37M) discovered my brother(28M) fetish he refuses to interact with him and it's causing problens with my side of the family
Me (37F) and my husband Mark(37M) started dating when we were 15 and been married for 14 years. Our marriage is practically perfect,our communication is very good,we practically don't fight and when we do it doesn't last more than a day and we admit when we are wrong to each other, we have 4 children wo we both love SO much and Mark is an absolutely great father, i cannot think of a better father to my children and i couldn't ever ask for a better husband. Since i introduced Mark to my family back in highschool their relationship is pretty awesome. I am the oldest of 5 siblings (37F,30F,28M,27F,26F), Mark is really close with all of my siblings, my dad died when i was 13 so Mark has been the only male figure in my siblings life. Mark was always specially close to my brother James(28M) my brother always looked up to him and they were very close to each other, Mark teach him a lot of boy stuff,helped him with girls when he was a teen,teached him how to drive when he was 16, they bond was really strong. James even followed my husband career steps,my husband in an vascular surgeon and James went to medical school (with my husband help) and he is on his first year of surgical residency. My husband family is VERY conservative, he is also an conservative but he is much more moderate,openly accepted my sister (30F) when she came out 5 years ago and my mom disowned her (she ''disowned'' her for about 8 months until my mom finally accepted her, Mark helped my mom a LOT in the ''process'' of accepting that my sis is gay, they are in really good terms now), he walked the same sister down the aisle a year ago in her wedding with her wife. Onto the issue: Our sex life was pretty vanilla, and i've been able to slowly change that in these last few years,we've been trying a lot of new stuff (like an*l,bondage that type of stuff) on our sex life and surprisingly he's been very open to that. Since James and Amelia started dating we organized these double dates night's and our house, we send the kids to my MIL house (she loves to babysit them). About a 11 months ago we organized one of these dates with Amelia and James at our house, normally we prepared some fancy dinner,drink a bit,talked and then they went home, but in these particular date we got a bit out of hand, we drink more than the usual and exceed the tipsy line to the drunk one, my husband was on call so he could't drink and the conversation eventually turned to sex stuff, i started to talk a bit of our sex life and the new stuff that we've been trying and my husband simply went quiet (he HATES to talk about our sex lifes to other people,he is very uptight in that sense) and drunk me didn't realized that,neither James (who was VERY drunk) who started talking about their sex life, he was a bit drunk but the general aspect of what he said is that: Amelia had convinced James on a one-sided open marriage (on her side). James loves to watch Amelia have sex with other men (sometimes multiple men). !! WARNING : PRETTY GRAPHIC !! James particularly likes to perform oral sex on Amelia after she had sex with other men and likes to ''reclaim'' her by sucking the semen of the other men out of her with his own mouth. !! WARNING : PRETTY GRAPHIC !! After that my husband looked at James with an face who i can only describe was absolutely disgust ,called an Uber and then kicked them out of our house (they were supposed to sleep at our place that night). The next day they tried to apologize to him but he said that ''he could't even look at James anymore without throwing up'',''that he unless that he divorced Amelia and growed a spine he didn't want to see him anymore'' ''that he was really sorry for him becoming a c*ck'',after that he started crying (one of the few times i see him cry),i was able to calm him and asked then to leave. Ever since that night my husband absolutely refuses to interact with James and Amy anymore, he said that he doesn't want a relationship with a person he doesn't respect,that he doesn't feel anything other that disgust and pity towards James. No matter how much i tried he simply refuses.After that every family event on my side of the family my husband doesn't attends anymore because James is there, when James shows up to see me he simply leaves the house, he refuses to even see James. Next month we were supposed to travel to my side of the family yearly reunion (we attended for the last 21 years!!!!) he already said that he will not go there,and invited our son(10M) on a hiking trip during the time of the reunion (3 days). My sisters already know why they don't speak anymore,but my kids and the rest of the family don't. James is really upset with this whole thing, he lost his ''dad'' and best`friend, other people are also started to question what is going on between then, my family misses him a lot, like i said, my mom and sisters adore him. I'm at my wits end here reddit , i really don't know what to do anymore, i just wished i could back on time. Any advice is really apreciated.
I’m 33m, gay, never been in a relationship I never even really thought about it in my teens and 20s. Of course I thought some guys were attractive but never pursued it, I was more focused on establishing a career and becoming independent. Once I entered my 30s I definitely started taking a look at the dating apps more and now I can actually see myself in a relationship. But every time I start looking my interest wanes, I get really nervous, or I have a million other priorities that seem more important. I do want to have kids and in my 30s I can literally feel my biological clock ticking haha. What’s my hang up? What advice do you guys have? I’ve only ever been on one date and I’m just not getting why I’m not really motivated to meet strangers. I think it’s fear but I don’t know how to overcome this?
2020.10.18 12:14 discostew44Is the reason I can't find friends or relationships due to me being FtM?
Hi guys, For context, I'm 20 years old. I'm in a bit of a complicated position where I actually had to de-transition after 9 months on HRT and in the shitty public health system here and aren't in a safe position to begin transitioning again anytime soon, however I do pass just fine and don't tend to get misgendered. However, my body is quite feminine still and I'm also overweight, that combined with the weird mid-amount of time spent on T and the year or two since I went off it, I look kind of... weird when people actually see me, I think. I also have Asperger's and find it really hard to connect with anyone, I used to have a few internet friends and such but haven't had any IRL friends for the last seven years and now my internet social life is also completely fizzled out. I also had a terrible experience breaking up with my last girlfriend when I was 17 (so three years ago), which sent me into a lot of self-hatred and reactionism. I was thinking I was gay at the time so I wanted a break to figure myself out and I ended up having all her friends coming after me to call me a faggot and tell me to die of AIDs. I had a few other relationships through my teens but all of which were online. Anyways, in short, I have no friends, no networks, aren't studying (and when I did never clicked with anyone at school or my college courses I "clicked" with), have never had friends or hung out with anyone, never been on a date, nor have I ever had an IRL relationship of.. any kind, really. I'm a pretty lonely person. As an Aspie, I frankly don't want much of a social life. I just want one good friend or relationship- someone I can trust to love me for me, you know? But I don't and haven't had that for years. The moment I turned 18 I've been trying to find someone- online dating apps (Tinder, Bumble, OkCupid, even tried Grindr and such before), tried going to LGBT+ youth groups, tried going out, tried reconnecting with people. I've found no one I can get along with. The only people I match with are guys who I'm not really interested in past friendships anyways and tend to ghost the moment they find out I'm FtM, and every single girl I've messaged has just kind of.. stopped responding to me. I don't know whether it's my having Aspergers' & ADHD, my being FtM, or if it's even something to do with me at all. I've tried on the left & the right, religious communities (I was ... really religious for years because I hated myself so much), going back to school, TAFE courses, LGBT groups, LGBT Facebook groups, Twitter, social media as a whole. And it's nothing and no one. I really don't know how to go about this, I'm really unconfident and dysphoric, and so lonely. I'm pretty much trying not to cry as I finish typing this. I just want someone to love me. My family don't support me at all and I'm so isolated. I wish someone would even give me a chance. I feel like my dysphoria and hating myself puts baggage on someone without them even knowing I come with the bags. I've tried being stealth and being open- even the other trans people I found don't want to give me the time of day. I feel like other trans people see me as a "cis bootlicker" or something, and cis people see me as something subhuman. I don't know why I can't make friends. I really don't see any other reason for it other than my being trans puts people off and weirds people out. My Dad is always telling me I look like a half-and-half (I don't) and it weirds everyone out that sees me. When I was a kid, I was bullied really badly, and the girls wouldn't play with me for being too much like a boy, but the boys wouldn't either because I was "a girl". I feel like the exact same thing is happening to me again. Am I cursed? Is it just me being trans? I just want one friend. I'd give anything for one friend or a relationship or anything at all. I don't know how to open up to anyone anymore. I try to break the ice and chat to everyone I match with or chat with on servers but everyone just starts ignoring me eventually no matter how much effort I put in. I'm sorry for venting, I'm just so perplexed. How do you guys do it? How do you just.. find friends? Girlfriends? People who actually want to give you a chance? Going out places, going to groups, church, people with similar interests- none of it has worked for me so far. I don't know what to do. I'm 20 and I haven't even begun my life, and I feel like my being trans is what's holding me back. I'd just pretend to be a cis girl, but that would be worse than hell for me. I live in Melbourne, Victoria. Maybe it's just the people here. I really don't know.
2020.10.17 23:50 EdgyMeowMy parents are homophobic assholes.
I fucking can't. Going through the downtown Atlanta yesterday, there was Graffiti EVERYWHERE. One of them said: "Black Trans Lives Matter" with a picture of a person next to it. My fucking mom read it, laughed out loud, and called the person a "cross dresser" and my dad called them a "t*annie". My god. I'm so fucking terrified when they find out that I'm Pan, Asexual, and Non Binary. I use she/he/they pronouns, and my parents think people should only use he/she. It'll be even worst when they find out that I'm changing my name to Max. My parents call my uncle a nasty gay (he is damned nasty, especially his room, he looks up teen porn, and, uh, did some things to me that I won't get into.) So yeah, he is fucking nasty. But do you have to bring the fact that he's gay into it? My dad is fucking horrible. He thinks all gays are weird and should be with girl's. They believe trans people are stupid, and think that people who date opposite genders are weird. My god, I don't know what to do anymore.
2020.10.16 03:27 gargoyleinargyleIs there, like, a bunch of photos of “objectively” attractive men and attractive women I can look at to help me figure my shit shit out and whether I’m bi or gay?
I don’t know, maybe this is dumb, but if I search Google Images for attractive men, I’m into the idea of making out with maybe 1/15 of them and indifferent to most. If I search for most attractive women? I’d make out with all of them. All of them. Full stop. As a teen, I always told myself I was mostly straight and “just 5% gay” and had crushes on both sexes, but much more on guys. Around college, I’d just say “bi” and met my now-husband. I will say that literally the month I met him, I was flirting with a girl and trying to set up what could have been a first date but our schedules sucked and I went on a date with my husband first and, well, we’ve been together 14 years now. I’ve made out with a few girls and definitely got butterflies, but no sex. I’m still attracted to my husband, I find his face gorgeous, and do truly love him, and very much enjoy sex (without getting into too much TMI he is extremely...giving...despite having a low libido.) I have zero interest in messing with our relationship, but at some point this year I realized my last crush on another man was 2012. EIGHT years ago. In that time, I’ve had, like, 4 or 5 crushes on women including a very intense one on a friend who is also “bi” which I would say is bordering on infatuation? I can’t tell if it’s a “grass is greener” situation, unsown oats or what. I’ve read the comp het docs but still think I might be bi, but way more leaning towards “only a little into dudes.” Weirdly my husband has also been questioning if he may be nonbinary, so now I’m like...what does this even mean for me if he’s the only dude I’ve been attracted to in almost a decade?
2020.10.16 01:26 yfueWhat steps to take to check I'm not straight?
Hi there, So a little background: I [27F] grew up in a small non-religious town in Europe. When I was a child I liked to wear boys clothes, I played soccer, 90% of my friends were boys, when wearing bikini's I refused to wear the top, and I wanted to cut my hair as short as the boys in my class. Apart from that last one my parents where fine with that. I wasn't bullied a lot, but one thing that stung was kids asking me whether I rather wanted to be a boy. As soon as I got in my teens, I started to care about what the other kids were thinking of me, so I tried to blend in a little better. I started wearing make-up, I got more female friends, and I always made sure I bought all my clothes in the female section of shops. I had my first huge crush on my best friend [m]. I told him, he thought it was sweet but he didn't feel the same way. I was okay, we still were best friends. 8 years later he came out as gay. Even though I looked a bit more like the other girls, I still had other interests then most of them. I was following classes where girls were always a minority (like max 10%), I still played soccer, and was way more interested in technology then my girl friends. When going to university I was again one of the 3% of females there, same as for jobs I worked at. All those years people have asked me weather I was gay because of my interests. I've always hated that people asked me this question because it made me feel really insecure. I've always feld guys are not into me because they think I'm gay. That feeling is only getting stronger when people ask me about being gay or not which makes me even more insecure about it. Even though I've always had my crushes on guys, and I dated a guy for 4 years, I am now starting to doubt myself. I've noticed I'm subconsciously flirting with women and I know when stereotyping (even though I hate that) I check quite some boxes. I've always considered myself to be an open-minded person who accepts everyone for who you want to be, but I've now started to question whether I've been that open-minded to myself. Have I've been subconsciously forced myself to be straight? Or is it just all the other people talking getting in my head? To answer these questions for myself I think I need to explore a bit, but I've no idea where to start. I've just watched some girl on girl porn, but that didn't do things. But I'm not sure if that's the genre to start, I don't even know if porn is the place to start. What are your suggestions? TL ;DR: I'm [27F] doubting whether I'm straight or not due to other people keep asking me if I'm gay. I want to double check for myself, any suggestions where to start?
2020.10.16 01:01 AFunctionalDisasterA relationship/family update is needed
First off extended family needs to be a thing. Like I have multiple lives where grandparents and great aunts and uncles were still alive but once I moved onto a kid they just disappeared.
Let me get mad at my spouse. I buy them a fake ring to propose and it’s the end of the world however if they do the same I just deal with it apparently.
Splitting the bill on big purchases as well. Things like cars wedding and houses should be bought together if you are married to someone.
Getting to know who your kids are dating/married to and also be able to approve or disapprove of them
More detailed interactions depending on how someone is related to you
Let my kids make slip ups so I’m having to bail them out of juvie or they are now a teen mom/dad
Celebrate birthdays(I know this is kind of hard since the game passes yearly but maybe some type of monthly time options can be added)
Possibly drugs and alcohol affect how a pregnancy goes along with baby health. I know this is kind of a touchy subject so I get why it’s not in the game but I once had a character give birth to a perfect healthy child even tho I got her to drink alcohol 10 different times while pregnant
Kids that are results hookups reaching out to you once they are adults should be a thing
Put your parents into a nursing home once they get old or let them move into your house so you can care for them
Having a secret second family or multiple girlfriends and boyfriends at once and trying to not get caught
Consensual polyamorous relationships
Got sucky parents who kicked you out because your gay/trans
At some point you parents should start bugging you to move out and every year you don’t after they asked can affect your relationship negatively with them
Sorry this is so long and for any spelling mistakes(on mobile)but I would love to see some of these added ————————————————————————— Since this post has gotten some traction want to add some ideas others have commented that I think would fit an update like this. Usernames included of who suggested what.
Spouse goes to prison (TubbyLife555)
Genetic problems (acidmingout)
Children getting jobs based on their degree and stats (acidmingout)
Run away from home (ClownCollegeNearby)
Setting option for the more sensitive subjects to occur or not (Mareluna20)
Disabilities - however I do think this should be its own separate update I’m a fan of the idea (ticka_tacka_toria)
2020.10.15 07:01 weareprettybizarreI’m so lonely and idk what to do
I’m a gay woman in my early 20s living in Canada, and even though I’m so grateful to live in a progressive country, there aren’t a lot of queer people where I live. All of my friends are straight, and while I love that they support me, they don’t understand what it’s like. They don’t get why I’m single. They don’t understand what it’s like to be the odd one out all the time. They think of me as their token lesbian and I know they find it endearing but it makes me feel disgusting. They think I should jump at the chance to date any queer woman I meet, regardless of attraction or suitability. I also have severe commitment issues from a relationship I was in in my teens, and I’m only now starting therapy to deal with the impacts of that. I just don’t think they understand how being different affects me emotionally, but I’m terrified of hurting them if I bring this up. I also need advice on how to make queer friends during COVID. There are no gay bars where I live, even if they were open. Are there online groups I can join? How do you guys combat loneliness from being “the queer one”?
I just need to vent. I(15) was on a TEEN dating sub (I know you can bully me later) for homosexuals and a “guy”responded to my post. he had me to believe that he was a 16 year old bisexual guy .we were talking he told me he liked femboys I sent him a picture of me in a skirt ( stupid ,stupid stupid!)I asked for a picture of him and he sent me a picture that I had seen on google before this should’ve already been my wake up call but I thought “maybe he’s just shy” (stupid) thing went forward until he asked for nudes I don’t even wanna right this part but I sent them then two or so minutes later I just got a certain “off” from ones of his texts he called me “little” it was so creepy and off collor to me that I decided to stalk his page a little. It turns out “he” was a 34 year old woman with a fetish for young gay boys I confronted her and she deleted her account before I could report her. I just need to feel safe right now.
2020.10.14 00:16 PlanktonIsDeadmy mom is skeptical about me being gay [Coming Out] [Family/Friends] (reposting from r/lgbt cause why not)
longread alert heyy, so i'm 16 and we moved from a pretty homophobic country 2 yrs ago so the LGBT situation in my county is ofc pretty bad, and even tho our former city is one of the most tolerant and accepting ones, a lot of ppl are still hostile. thankfully, my family isn't like that, and they've always been accepting towards other people (by that, i mean that they don't lash out every time someone says the word "gay" and can calmly discuss celebrities that are LGBT, LGBT-supporting movements and the whole thematic overall) however, their position takes a weird turn when it comes to me (most possibly a lesbian) i've kinda disliked the idea of being with a guy my whole life, started thinking about my sexuality at 14 and fully realised i was a lesbian about a year ago. when i did, i started making little remarks to my fam right away, like buying a bracelet that says "lgbt" on it. my grandparents were surprisingly cool with it, just telling me not to wear it out in public (which is reasonable) and... it sorta ended there, i haven't brought it up again yet, cause... idk. we just havent talked about it, cause we mostly talk about my school when we call each other on skype. however, my mom was sus from the start. when she saw the bracelet, she asked me why i bought it, and when i said "oh, idk, just like that" she laughed and said not to scare her like that anymore. from then on, whenever i talk about something related to not liking men/liking women, she rolls her eyes and says "oh stop it already" or smth like that. when i tried to tell her i like a girl from spanish class, she just smiled dismissively. the big one happened at pride - my town had a decentralised pride recently, which is basically a lot of booths and activities scattered all throughout town. she seemed bored throughout the whole spiel, and was just kinda out of it, even though she knew that it was important to me. when we went to a nearby food court to eat, we talked about the whole event, and somehow my life came up in the convo, so she asked me if i had anything to tell her. (i'm really awkward when talking about anything related to feelings and personal stuff so my statement might have sounded differently from what i wanted it to sound like) i finally told her about the 5-month relationship that i had with my best friend. we were long distance for the most of it (she's in our former city) and only went on 2 dates together, but it still mattered a lot to me and we both really felt something. i also told her about the time we were watching euphoria at my place and cuddled a lot, but i couldn't bring myself to say that we kissed (cause i big dumb). it seemed like she was cool with it at first, but when we walked out she said that she doesn't believe all of those teens (who were sitting around at The Main Plaza™ ) are really LGBTQ+, and neither does she believe i really am. so, as u can imagine, that kinda hurt. i didnt cry or anything, i just... yk... was hurt for a while. from that point on, we haven't talked about it much, but ig she knows...? i have a lot of buttons, have a lil pride flag in my room, like buying gay shit etc., so there's no way she wouldn't notice any of my shenanigans. but ig she just dismisses it as me being young and stupid? honorable mentions: she refuses to understand how bi and pan are different cause her mind doesnt get the concept of more than 2 genders. she also saw my NB friend once and kept nagging at me to know if it was a boy or a girl, and when i got tired of saying "they are neither" and said they were AFAB, she just smirked and said "yeah its a girl", which really pissed me off - idc about myself, but when someone disrespects my friends, i get mad as hell. so i told her "if they choose to identify as NB, that's their choice and i respect that, and i really want you to respect it as well". she didn't say anything else, but ik she feels like she's in the right. i've also been uncertain about my gender identity recently, and when i tried to hint at it, she straight up started saying that i'm making her miserable when i refer to myself with other pronouns and that i was born a girl like she wanted, and she loves her little girl, not her little whatever. that also hurt a bit. wat i do?i haven't come out to her or anyone in my family yet (officially) and i am honestly doubting that i should ever come out if she reacts like that. it'd hurt less if she called me names or was angry or something, cause it'd at least mean that she acknowledges my identity, which she clearly doesn't now. is it because she still thinks of me as a little kid who can't make their own decisions? is she homophobic? she's ok with adult LGBTQ+ ppl and has 2 friends that are a lesbian couple with a kid, so wtf is her deal with teens and me? am i in the wrong here for not being able to talk about feelings like a normal person? we have an AMAZING relationship and love each other a lot, but her behaviour makes me feel weird. like... i'm still loved, but only under the assumption that i'm a straight woman who will have kids? tldr: my mom is ok with LGBTQ+ folks as long as they're grown up, so she doesn't respect my and my friends' identities. what do i do? edit: fixed a word
2020.10.13 23:43 BuyTheHotdogStandWhere are my fellow lesbian/LGBT fans!
I’ve been wanting to make a post like this for a while cause I’m interested in talking to others about this. Like, did you guys also have a crush on Rory that you didn’t realize was a crush? Lol. I had photos of her all over my room and my planner. Just her. Because I just loveddddd the character. It’s also why I cut out magazine pics of Emma Watson after she got that pixie cut and tapped them to my wall. Sheer love of her acting. That’s what I told myself. How did you feel about connecting with Rory and Lorelei over romantic things? Love is love, and I adored the straight relationships and felt like it “got me” but I did feel, as a closeted middle schooler who was trying not to be gay, conflicted because I didn’t really find Dean or Jess attractive. I wanted Rory to be with Jess like the fan girl I was, but when they kissed, my eyes were on Alexis (and oh boy did I replay those scenes over and OVER and wish I was Jess). I never wanted to be Rory, I just wanted to be one of the boys who dated Rory. Have you ever just in your head thought about if Rory were gay and Dean and Jess and Logan were women and that was an element of the show? I feel like I’d watch a remake of the series with that as the premise but I don’t wanna wish that into existence because it’s too risky that they’ll disappoint me (not GG, just any remake of any media ever). Sometimes I just wish that a show from my childhood/teens that I love this much could have some queerness. We’ve got some great things coming out now, but I hate having to choose between nostalgia and seeing lady couples As for the show’s homophobic stuff, for me it’s on par or less than the other shows I was watching at the time. I never felt bad, the jokes were gauche but never deeply offensive that I can remember but I was so young and I think if I watched it for the first time now, it’s possible I’d feel different. I always just assumed Michele was gay and they just couldn’t say it on TV. And anything else, just hoping to hear others’ thoughts and experiences Also... Watching it as an adult, I find Lauren Graham absolutely stunning lol. Adds a whole new dimension. Anyone else have that happen? The “wait a second Lorelei is really attractive” adulthood realization?
2020.10.13 21:10 SharpCucumberLate Blooming and trauma
I'm 34. And I like women. And it took a while to know this. And I wonder how that could even happen.There's a sadness that I went for 34 years without a partner. There's also guilt in me, that I didn't notice this before. Did I fail me? But then I look back and see that it's complicated. It started with a homophobic culture. In the 2000s “gay” was a daily swear word and lesbians were jokes. My mother was deeply ashamed. And I inherited her shame to not stand out. Not the best starting conditions. As a teen, I was diagnosed with a lack of womb and vagina.My out-of-the-norm body was one problem, but the surrounding narrative was even more toxic.Parents, doctors, psychologists, self-help groups. They said it's every woman's dream to please a boyfriend and get children. Therefore, I needed surgery, to have a vagina that can satisfyingly take a penis. They told me they knew better, humiliated me, said I was too immature to know what I want. From this vulnerable place of fear and abandonment I fell right into another extreme. The love bombing of a young narcissist. This was my first love. He isolated me, turned people against me, abused me and nearly got me killed. No one understood what was going on. Somehow, I survived. After that, I was too wounded to have relationships. I was too hurt to explore my capacity for love and connection. And I thought I could live without love. Safer that way. And with all dreams stomped on and forgotten, it was difficult to reach out for something that I didn't know even was possible. The space in my heart for women was made in many small steps. First I had to trust people again, and feel my body. I had to learn to get rid of shame, listen to my needs, stay away from people who don't want to hear my “no”. I had to learn to regulate my emotions. 2 therapists overlooked my glaringly obvious CPTSD. I had my first crushes, and slowly learned to connect with people. It needed several crushes on women, and some kisses, and soaking wet underwear to notice that I prefer girls. Narratives around lesbians In the past 2 years I was blinded, because the normal narrative around lesbians is that they knew from youth. That they had crushes on teachers, classmates or the Spice Girls. I didn't have those teen crushes. Partially because half my teens I was traumatized. There's also a narrative that sexuality is the same, all the time. It isn't.It changed for me. I can't be the only one. A friend found out late in life that he's gay because he was distracted by the carying for his dying mother. I can imagine some late bloomers come from similar places...shame, trauma, obligations, distraction, disconnection, not knowing better, wrong narratives around love... ...there's a way out of there. Out of all these things. Watching this Subreddit for a month it just “clicked”. The Sunday selfies have me in awe, you are all so beautiful. I would love to date. But with the second Corona-wave starting I guess I'll wait this one out :). Thank you for reading.
2020.10.13 16:28 PlanktonIsDeadmy mom is skeptical about me being gay
longread alert heyy, so i'm 16 and currently live in germany, but we moved here from saint-peterburg 2 yrs ago so the LGBT situation in russia is ofc pretty bad, and even tho our city is one of the most tolerant and accepting ones, a lot of ppl are still hostile. thankfully, my family isn't like that, and they've always been accepting towards other people (by that, i mean that they don't lash out every time someone says the word "gay" and can calmly discuss celebrities that are LGBT, LGBT-supporting movements and the whole thematic overall) however, their position takes a weird turn when it comes to me (most probably a lesbian) i've kinda disliked the idea of being with a guy my whole life, started thinking about my sexuality at 14 and fully realised i was a lesbian about a year ago. when i did, i started making little remarks to my fam right away, like buying a bracelet that says "lgbt" on it. my grandparents were surprisingly cool with it, just telling me not to wear it out in public (which is reasonable) and... it sorta ended there, i haven't brought it up again yet, cause... idk. we just havent talked about it, cause we mostly talk about my school when we call each other on skype. however, my mom was sus from the start. when she saw the bracelet, she asked me why i bought it, and when i said "oh, idk, just like that" she laughed and said not to scare her like that anymore. from then on, whenever i talk about something related to not liking men/liking women, she rolls her eyes and says "oh stop it already" or smth like that. when i tried to tell her i like a girl from spanish class, she just smiled dismissively. the big one happened at pride - my town had a decentralised pride recently, which is basically a lot of booths and activities scattered all throughout town. she seemed bored throughout the whole spiel, and was just kinda out of it, even though she knew that it was important to me. when we went to a nearby food court to eat, we talked about the whole event, and somehow my life came up in the convo, so she asked me if i had anything to tell her. (i'm really awkward when talking about anything related to feelings and personal stuff so my statement might have sounded differently from what i wanted it to sound like) i finally told her about the 5-month relationship that i had with my best friend. we were long distance for the most of it (she's in russia) and only went on 2 dates together, but it still mattered a lot to me and we both really felt something. i also told her about the time we were watching euphoria at my place and cuddled a lot, but i couldn't bring myself to say that we kissed (cause i big dumb). it seemed like she was cool with it at first, but when we walked out she said that she doesn't believe all of those teens (who were sitting around at The Main Plaza™ ) are really LGBTQ+, and neither does she believe i really am. so, as u can imagine, that kinda hurt. i didnt cry or anything, i just... yk... was hurt for a while. from that point on, we haven't talked about it much, but ig she knows...? i have a lot of buttons, have a lil pride flag in my room, like buying gay shit etc., so there's no way she wouldn't notice any of my shenanigans. but ig she just dismisses it as me being young and stupid? honorable mentions: she refuses to understand how bi and pan are different cause her mind doesnt get the concept of more than 2 genders. she also saw my NB friend once and kept nagging at me to know if it was a boy or a girl, and when i got tired of saying "they are neither" and said they were AFAB, she just smirked and said "yeah its a girl", which really pissed me off - idc about myself, but when someone disrespects my friends, i get mad as hell. so i told her "if they choose to identify as NB, that's their choice and i respect that, and i really want you to respect it as well". she didn't say anything else, but ik she feels like she's in the right. i've also been uncertain about my gender identity recently, and when i tried to hint at it, she straight up started saying that i'm making her miserable when i refer to myself with other pronouns and that i was born as a girl like she wanted, and she loves her little girl, not her little whatever. that also hurt a bit. wat i do?i haven't come out to her or anyone in my family yet (officially) and i am honestly doubting that i should ever come out if she reacts like that. it'd hurt less if she called me names or was angry or something, cause it'd at least mean that she acknowledges my identity, which she clearly doesn't now. is it because she still thinks of me as a little kid who can't make their own decisions? is she homophobic? she's ok with adult LGBTQ+ ppl and has 2 friends that are a lesbian couple with a kid, so wtf is her deal with teens and me? am i in the wrong here for not being able to talk about feelings like a normal person? we have an AMAZING relationship and love each other a lot, but her behaviour makes me feel weird. like... i'm still loved, but only under the assumption that i'm a straight woman who will have kids? tldr: my mom is ok with LGBTQ+ folks as long as they're grown up, so she doesn't respect my and my friends' identities. what do i do?
2020.10.13 13:32 Charming_ReplacementMale with confusing feminine fantasies
Hi all, I am a 26 year old guy, and I have been having lots of confusing and conflicting sexual thoughts for over 10 years which is making my life really difficult. I have always been attracted to women, but in my early teens I would have occassional fantasies about men which were always very submissive. These thoughts were minor, and would always subside after I masturbated; after which I would feel guilty. Things didn't change until my early 20s when I met an older couple online who were looking for a boy who the wife could dress up like a girl with fmakeup and girly clothes to service the husband. I began chatting with them and everything clicked! I realised my occasional gay and submissive fantasies were an outlet for being feminine. I so, so, so, badly wanted to meet with this couple and finally get a chance to express all these crazy feelings that were in my head. When we chatted online my heart would leap and I would literally shake with excitement. But sadly I couldn't overcome my fear and anxiety and I let them go - I stil think about this often, and regret it to this day. Since then I have chatted with many men online, bought girly clothes only to throw them away, multiple times partly shaved my body hair (which I HATE) only to let it grow back in fear of girls I am dating, or my friends noticing. I've spent hours fantasising, about men, crossdressing, being dominated, sucking a guy or being a bottom for him. But, at the same time I am a totally straight male. I get turned on by women and sleep with women very often. I approach women in bars and clubs. I've fallen in love with women. Recently things are coming to a head because I have started working out a lot. My arms, chest, and shoulders have been bulking up. Most times I love it because I like being a masculine male, and I know that being bulkier will help me attract more beautiful women. But a very deep part of me hates these changes because they make me even able to express my feminine desires at some point in the future. I feel like I am stuck between a rock and a hard place with nowhere to go. What can I do? I will always be physically and emotionally attracted to women, I cannot change this. If I go out and express my gay and feminine fantasies I might (will likely?) truly enjoy it and then never be able to switch off this conflicting part of my mind. I have read online that if I do not express or think about a certain sexual fantasy for long enough it will dissapear, is this possible? It would be a shame to live my life without giving myself a chance to truly try things even if just once :'( I guess the only scenario would be to somehow meet a woman so totally kind and understanding that they would encourage me to somehow exist as two people inside the same relationship, but even then my own fear and guilt would probably never allow that to happen. Thank you, apologies for the long post <3
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